How can I stop thinking of a person?

Asked July 15, 2016, 3:54 PM EDT

So, it's a really long story. I think I need help. Well, everything began 3 or 4 years ago. I'm a student and I worked (and still work) at school where I used to study before going to the uni. There was a colleague of mine with whom I had been communicating for a while. Everything began when he started working at school. He's gay (actually our former headmaster's boyfriend) and he doesn't even hide his orientation. I don't have anything against gays (I'm straight) so I can make friends with them. We started communicating fairly quickly because he wanted this. He seemed to be a very kind person. But when we became closer, I discovered his real personality, he wasn't that good. He started acting like a woman and always behaved himself like he's a nasty girl everytime he was by my side (for example, he became angry and mad if I laughed at him without trying to hurt him even though he perfectly knew it, he also wanted me to buy a phone or other expensive things for him, although his salary was higher than mine etc.) and he also used to tell everyone rubbish about me, this could almost ruin my reputation at school. He also lied and told that we're in a relationship where he's a girl (even though he's much older than me) and many other bad and terrifying things like blaming me for doing something I've never actually done or quarreling me with my friends. I don't know why he did this, I had never been treating him wrong or bad. He was getting worse and more insane than before. We had really many quarrels. I perfectly knew that I had to stop communicating with him forever, but I couldn't. I enjoyed talking to him and spending time with him. I even forgot my friends and really wanted to be with him as often as possible. I even used to stalk him. This wasn't love! It was something like an addiction, I can't really explain. He always promised to change himself completely and said that our 'relationship' means a lot to him so he doesn't want to loose me. Of course, he never kept his word. After all this time, he was kicked out of school, but we continued communicating for some time. It might seem unbelievable, but everything was fine! But then we just stopped even writing to each other. We didn't quarrel. We haven't been communicating for the past 8 months and firstly I was happy because I 'got rid' of him. But after that I started missing him very much and now I always want to see him and spend time with him just like before. I really try to get him out of my head, I have new friends and maybe even something like a new life, but I still remember him. And I can write him anytime... I perfectly know that he's a very bad person, but I can't do anything! Help me, please! I'm straight and I have a girlfriend, but even when I'm with her I can't stop thinking of him... this isn't love! Please, help me. Any advice?

Outside United States

1 Response

Thank you for your question for eXtension. The topic area in which you've made a request is not yet fully staffed by eXtension experts and therefore we cannot provide you with a timely answer. You should talk with someone. For example, talk to a counselor that you trust.

Dr. Virginia White, Administrator III, Outreach Programs